#226 – Building Stand Out Leaders: Nurturing Exceptional Kids with Audra and Matt Karam

Anna Sergunina: 00:00:00

Hey money bosses. Welcome back to another exciting episode of the money boss parent Podcast. Today we have a dynamic duo husband and wife Audra and Matt Karam joining us. Audra armed with a bachelor's degree in child life and her husband Matt, with over 25 years experience in finance world have a remarkable journey in creating a powerful calorie character and leadership development curriculum for children aged three to nine. Over the last 20 years, they've not only raised their own for children, but they have also managed multiple businesses. In this episode, we'll dive into their expertise, exploring how their financial Arcanum and passion for building standout leaders intersects from their experience of running a martial arts school to finding a nonprofit focused on helping children Audra and Matt have truly made a significant impact in creating a lasting legacy any parent can follow as we unravel their insights on raising kids to be standout leaders. How these skills can be learned by any child and facilitated by any parent, and how it aligns with your journey as a money boss parent. So without further ado, let's get started. Audra and Matt, welcome to the show. I am so excited for today's conversation. And I know right before we started officially recording, we were chatting a little bit and discussing how we as parents understand that it is important for us to teach our kids to be great leaders, but at the same time, we want to want them to be smart money leaders want to be confident. We want them to grow up caring and respectful adults. So let's kick off this conversation. And maybe you can share a little bit a little bit about how did you guys end up at this point in talking about this topic?

Audra Karam: 00:02:03

Yeah, well, actually, we used to have a martial arts school back in Ohio. And we taught 1000s of families came through and we worked with them. And so it's been over 25 years that we've worked with families. And when they would come to the martial art school, it was really, you know, we discovered they weren't coming to learn about kicking and punching, they were coming to learn about building self confidence in their children and creating leaders out of their children. And as they would come in, and we would participate in our whole family when and when I say our whole family, my husband, myself and our four children. And so they were there with us every day. And parents, ironically, would come in and say I want my kids to be like your kids. And I'd be you know, is a greatest compliment. And I'm like, Oh, thank you. That's so very nice. And then what we came to learn is, it was literal, they really, they had a lot of respect for how our children carried themselves and the manners as they exhibited, and their behavior and the kind of what we would say is a black belt behavior. So they were you know, just great kids. And so we said absolutely. And so we created this curriculum with inside the martial arts school. And it's separate of anything we do in the martial arts school, when we had it, it was really about conversations you would have at home, it would it would be about expectations that were at home to kind of help raise these kids up. Because as busy parents, and running several businesses at the same time, as well as raising four children, you have a lot on your plate. So we said you know, it has to be really a program that can help lift these kids up to be all they can be right reach your greatest potential standout leaders, as well as be easy to implement. And so that was our focus. Sure,

Anna Sergunina: 00:03:42

love it. I had no idea that you guys had a martial school martial arts school. And as turns out that my son started last year as well, my father and my now five year old, so Oh, my gosh, it was trying to figure out looking at your website online. Like why is the black belt like this? Gotta be some connection action,

Audra Karam: 00:04:01

right? Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. We say it's all all the leadership skills you want in martial arts with no kicking, and no punching. And you do it from the comfort of your home. So I love

Anna Sergunina: 00:04:13

it already. And I know well, too, as well, because you've got the beginning that you know, the whole kicking in.

Matt Karam: 00:04:21

And that's tremendous. Our family martial arts school was in business started with my father 45 years ago. So we've had the good fortune of teaching many, many children for a long period of time. And that allows you to tweak and twist and get a fully developed program. You know, that really works for most kids, you know? And I'd like to answer your question as well as kind of how did we intersect here. My day job, so to speak for all the years would be similar as a financial planner. And so we worked with many wealthy clients, our practice specialized in physicians, and I was also a My partner in a corporate Ria, where we managed a lot of money, I was a series seven in the past, I'm no longer. And so when we did all of those things that was in an effort for us to be financially stable for our children, you know, and really where we've developed what now, I'm 57. So what's really came around now is I'm starting to look at the life a little differently than when our children were young, are we all four of our children? Were under the age of five, okay. They came quick. And so you know, but now that I'm 57 years old, I'm looking at the world differently, okay. And so what's really transformed, let's say, my thought process, and our thought process is our legacy. Right. And so, as parents, we believe that developing our children into standout leaders, is the single most important legacy we can leave behind. And it's more important than a stock or a home, or an exotic car. To me, I look at that, at that end of my life, those objects are going to be meaningless. I can't take them with me, right? Yes, I can willed them in an estate to my children. But that's not the best part, you know, we feel our true measure of success, our children and our grandchildren, right. And so I wanted our children, my children are to be happy, right? I wanted them to be well adjusted. I want them to be kind, right, I want them to help other people. And so unless you teach those things, they don't learn that me unless it's osmosis, right? You have to consciously develop and deliver those skills, or they don't happen. And so that's how the intersection has happened is that we want the children to be the legacy over assets. And so yeah, and

Audra Karam: 00:06:58

I think it likens a lot to what you're currently doing is, you know, we have to, we have to teach the children how to be financially responsible, right? Because I'm sure we've all known people who, and I use this term loosely, they are a train wreck in their finances. And if the children don't, if they model that, which is what they didn't do is model our behavior. And if we're not intentional about delivering good information, and helping them be successful financially or in life, then then they can kind of go down the same path. And so a lot of times, we have to be really deliberate about saying, I want to help them learn differently than what I did, or hey, I've got good skills, I want them to transfer to them. And so I think it's about having, knowing that you want to do that and being intentional. Yes,

Anna Sergunina: 00:07:44

I agree. And I love that we found this parallels in both areas. And I'm sure there's many more like Parenthood in itself. It's such a journey. And you guys been so so, so much further ahead than me and a lot of the listeners, right? That I have on the show, but that's just exciting, because there's lots to learn. So yeah, so let's dive in a little bit more on this, this topic of leadership skills. And because I want to, like I want to build up this connection, I definitely am sold an idea that I don't know if it's for every family, I noticed for my family that martial arts school is the first stepping stone Yes. Right. And I understand that, like I didn't at the beginning, but my husband was the one that you know, he's he's done that as a young kid. And so it was, it was something that he had already known. So I'm getting to understand more and more of it, and I see what you know, what just happened to, you know, a four and a half year old over the last six months,

Matt Karam: 00:08:41

wonderful congratulations.

Audra Karam: 00:08:44

you know, if I can interject, there's a lot of misconception, I did not grow up in the martial arts until after you know, we got married. And in I had no idea I didn't have a negative connotation or positive, I just knew it existed. And so many parents would come to us and they, they were cautious. They were like, I don't know what I'm getting myself into. But the way we presented our program to people was, it's not about fighting. It's never about that if you're at a good school, it's about raising them to be anybody who attends to be more successful. And by the way, we designed our curriculum, 90 to 95% of our student roster, we're all it would just children, you know, and so it used to be back when his dad started, it was mostly adults. And

Matt Karam: 00:09:30

you know, we want our children's self confidence so high, that they have the confidence to walk away, right, not only interact in a conflict, but if they have to defend themselves they can right so that that is the important part of the martial arts, right? We want our children to learn discipline, we want them to be respectful of property and people, right. And so those things are modeled, hopefully in the school, not only by the instructors, but by other children that are present. And so that positive interaction is so highly beneficial for their character and leadership development.

Audra Karam: 00:10:07

And what's been so fun for us. Just one last thing we just weren't very passionate about it with us is that we have designed it so that if you are comfortable or don't have the option to go to a martial arts school, and not all schools teach what we teach, a lot of them try to and it just falls a little short over time. And a lot of them were really great. But the fact that you can, you can do get all the benefits in your, in your at home, and you being the first teacher, as the parent of your child can help instill in helping and grow these and we do it in such a fun and animated way that we have, you know, a whole program, but it's to

Matt Karam: 00:10:46

give you a little history, when we had the martial arts school, we actually went to all the students and said, We need four characters. What do you want them to be? And we had the students help them pick out and so we have an alligator in our videos that actually helping teach when and he's supposed to be the let's say sensei or he's the master, right? You know, and then there's a two can there's a hyena, and the one that's sometimes the most fun is the cranky cockroach. Okay, a lot of this resonates with some children, because he's the one doing things he's not supposed to do. Right? You know, he's the Nemesis. And so you know, it's fun. And then when we went to name the characters, we also had the children vote on the names. So they also helped us name them. And so that's why we call it black belt, Bruce or Henrietta, or, you know, so it was a lot of fun at the school to pick the characters and to name them and those kinds of things. So,

Anna Sergunina: 00:11:38

so as as you and we'll get into the program, too, but as it is today, it is something it's it's a it's available to families across

Matt Karam: 00:11:49

the world. Right? Yes, anywhere? Yes.

Anna Sergunina: 00:11:52

You don't have to be in the martial school in order to have those skills for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Let's, let's talk a little bit about so like, what are the traits of someone who has great leadership skills? Or what What should parents be thinking about? Um,

Audra Karam: 00:12:07

you know, I Yeah, it's so there's a lot, we want to help the children learn, you know, how to focus, have discipline, have respect for things and people, right? We help them discover how important and how amazing it feels to give to open the door for someone else, right. And when, and when you have the opportunity to help someone, you know, at school or something, you know, we want to have those interactions and help them thrive through those opportunities, because they're around us all the time, we just have to be looking for them, right. And so as they have to have self confidence, and as we foster the skills that we work with them on, then it's building that self confidence. And so the leader is the one who doesn't stand in front of the room and says, Here I am noticed me, right? It's that kind of what are they called Quiet leaders, right? They can stand out when they need to, and they can rise above and be strong. But they're not the center of attention. And that's not what we're we're fostering. We're trying to really foster characteristics that, that we all hope on manners and behavior.

Matt Karam: 00:13:12

Yeah. So we have three secrets that we'd like to share with your parent listeners that we've now identified to create a duplicatable leader in their children. And so we'd want to share those do you want to start with

Audra Karam: 00:13:28

one? Yeah, our secret number one, and it's a seat we call it the secrets not really a big secret, but it's a it's like something we want our parents to be cognizant of. And the one we think is really important that my husband didn't specifically know, because my background is in working with children, is there's a limited learning window for our kids. Right. And I think I heard you references when you were talking about your son, which I believe his name is Liam, right? Yeah. Yeah. And he's like a sponge, I remember you sharing Yes. And his agent, fine. That's what they do. And it's, you know, between those zero and 10 months, we know these kids are just sucking in. I mean, they're, there's synaptic connections happening in their brain. And then you know, we can just like overnight, see changes in our children, right. And then when they hit that, like, they go from 10 months to about seven years, and up to maybe nine, there is growth happening that that's where that sponge is right. And when we're putting in good stuff, because you put in good you're gonna get good out, you put in the negative, you're gonna get negative out. And when we're fostering that and helping them be more positive and teaching them the skills and helping them develop habits that are positive, it's incredible the impact because they start pulling it in, they start absorbing it and it helps elevate them to that next level where they need to be sure one

Matt Karam: 00:14:45

of the good ways I guess, for parents to understand this Learn limited learning window. One good example is let's say we want the children to learn a foreign language. We my son is my one son, my third son is 25 Okay, he will wanting to learn Spanish. And so I said, Hey, why don't we work on it together? You're probably not surprised six months later, his development is head and shoulders above mine. Of course,

Anna Sergunina: 00:15:10

I'm not.

Matt Karam: 00:15:11

Yes. Okay. I mean, his he, he's understood the sun structure so much better, masculine versus feminine. All these things that I'm struggling with, he picked it up. Would you know, my nephew? That's eight years old said, Can I join in? And we're like, Sure, we'll do it together. You know, would you be my eight year old nephew now? is almost you'd feel like fluid? Right? He's above my 25 year old. Right? Totally. So we know. Excuse me, I apologize for coughing. But we know if we want these babies to learn these children to learn a foreign language. You want them to learn it as young as possible. So they have no accent. Okay.

Audra Karam: 00:15:53

Right. Yeah, it's important to keep fostering that and helping them to and then there's a study that was done. And this was new to us, too. But that habits, Brown University, did a study of 50,000 American families. And they said, you know, we want to understand when habits happened for kids. And they said, after all this study, they found that if you haven't instilled positive habits and or bad, I guess, but we look at as positive. If you don't instill the positive habits before the age of nine, the likelihood of them garnishing in, in finding positive habits in the future are so much harder for them to accomplish and acquire. Does that make sense?

Anna Sergunina: 00:16:38

It does totally. So I just wanted to come come from this window when the sponges are the most effective, right is like until eight or the birth till nine, right? Or maybe yes,

Audra Karam: 00:16:49

yeah, like, yeah, it definitely is, you're stopping it at nine, that is the window as far as it can be pushed to help with just the sponge ability, as well as the, the ability to to foster good habits and building positive habits.

Matt Karam: 00:17:03

From a technical side, between that age of three and 990 5% of that child's brain develops. And it's the highest consumption time of energy. And it's the best time when they grow neural new neural pathways to accomplish those skills. So that limited learning window is real.

Audra Karam: 00:17:25

It's real. And I just don't I, you know, when we are parents, we're busy in life, right? And we're like all the people they learn, but I think it's, we want to share that because wow. Like, you know, you need to know it because people if you don't have a background with children, you're like, oh, yeah, I don't want to have time. I have time. And we know, time is not elastic. Right? And we kind of have to control it. It doesn't it doesn't care what we do. I mean, we have to to make that decision. And yes, building those habits. And, and I think, I think it's also positive, and anybody who has some discipline of like, you know, when you show up in the office in the morning, early on time, you get results, right? When you do things that make more phone calls, you're gonna get results. And so it's about understanding the results you need to make. Let's start with these kids now.

Anna Sergunina: 00:18:14

I agree. Yes, no, I, I've heard about the, the I've had a guest on my podcast, but two years ago, I think. And she talked a little bit about how the, you know how much brain development happens in kids until they're you like age seven, so she will and so I started to feel the pressure, right then and there. I was like, Oh, my gosh, all right, what now? What, right? running scared a little bit of like, okay, what do I do? Like? Well, you know, there's a lot of things you want to do and teach. So you're Yeah, so you're confirming that again, for me for sure. And that

Audra Karam: 00:18:51

that really, you know, the comment you just made these listen to our second thought is, you know, being intentional, because now you felt the pressure, the heat's on mom a little bit. And sometimes moms take on the responsibility because, you know, we we know, this is part of our role in the heat's on. So now we want to make sure that we're intentional and that's the second secret we want to share is the difference a lot of ties between in their studies on this and men can add to that is the difference between success and lack of success with children in their future to become responsible adults is the intentional effort that those parents put in all through life, but especially in those critical years.

Matt Karam: 00:19:31

So there's a gentleman His name is Dr. James Comer. Okay. He's been at Yale University for 45 years. He's the assistant dean of the medical school, and he runs the Child Development department there. And so as he started out in his career, he was trying to identify why were their children in school just as smart as him. Had great parents just like him, some succeeded. and some had considerable difficulty and went down a different path than he did. And in his early career, he couldn't identify what the difference was. What he later learned was, his parents had an intentional development mindset with all of their with all of the kids that were in his house. So even though the other kids that he knew that were great kids, great parents, their parents never worked on any intentional development of them. Yeah, they love their kids. And they tried real hard, but they didn't turn out well. And so he said, you know, they did his parents, in his particular case talked about, they set clear boundaries, right? They knew if they didn't do something, right, there were consequences for those. And so but really, he if you watch into his video that's on YouTube, it talks about the intentional effort and development makes all the difference in the world between success and failure. And so that's so important, because that's a topic that's not readily researched. And parents need to be aware that it's them being the first teacher, most important teacher, and it's their development of their children's skills, and that foundation that make the difference, okay. And so that's really a huge secret to learn is you can't leave it to chance. And you can't leave it to teachers at school, you have to be diligent, these are our children, you have to take it by the horns, and make sure they get it or they will have it,

Audra Karam: 00:21:31

which is why a lot of folks sought us out with their children, because they they knew that we had the experience. And that's part of the next thing we'd like to let people know is our third secret is is an experienced guide. You know, you have this in front of you and like you said, Okay, I gotta get on my game. What am I supposed to do next? And a lot of times, we don't know what to do next. Right? And there's so much value in finding someone who's been there, done that. And learning from them. Because we often say, you know, smart people learn from their own mistakes, really smart people learn from the mistakes of others. Well, yeah, we've been doing this for over 25 years. And we've tweaked and learned with our own children as well as you know, different children who've been raised different ways and how to foster that growth opportunity.

Matt Karam: 00:22:23

One great way to describe it is, if you let's say set out a goal to climb Mount Everest. Some people have said it, you'd be a fool not to hire an experienced guide, right? To make Mount Everest, a guide, a year before you your climb, will give you an exercise regime to follow. They'll give you diet guidelines to follow. They'll give you mental exercises, workout routines, and even with all of that preparation, you still may or may not make it to the top right. So we we know if we want to set a lofty goal for ourselves, you need an experienced guide to help you get there. Another great example is let's say I don't know if you've ever looked into having an Olympic gymnast as a child, right? I had a friend

Anna Sergunina: 00:23:15

when I was in college.

Audra Karam: 00:23:16

Oh and Okay. Oh, youngest, he or she when they started do ya know?

Anna Sergunina: 00:23:21

Oh my gosh, I think like h3 I don't know why.

Matt Karam: 00:23:25

To be unlimited, you have to start between the age of three and four. Okay. That's the first criteria. Right now, when I was a kid, there was a girl named Mary Lou Retton. Okay, she was an incredible gymnast. Okay, so, but if you look at how hard she worked out, how she trained, they limited her food. I mean, the parents had moved. The second step that made her let's say, accomplish the goals she had was her coach. In my day, belah Carolla everyone knew him. He was from Russia, and he was the one that made her who she was, okay. So to be an Olympic gymnast, as a child, not only do you have to have the dedication, the hard work to ethics and do all of those things. If you don't have a good coach, you still won't make it, you know. And so we if we want to help our children, we become leaders. We need to go and follow some people that have developed other children into leaders to be successful. When we were raising our children. There's many things I didn't I knew the martial arts side, but I didn't know the child development side. My wife did, but I didn't write. So it took a long time to incorporate those together to make it as a successful program. Right? It doesn't happen overnight. Any curriculum or anything that you do, if you want to do it, well, takes it a decade or two, to work it out. And that and that's really been our goal, and that's what we've done. To make it good is make sure that everybody is on On that, let's say success list. Okay. And so, so if we could review those three secrets, if you don't mind. Okay, so the first one is a limited learning window. Okay. And we have a great quote for that. It says the first five years have so much to do with how the next ad turns out.

Anna Sergunina: 00:25:26

I love it.

Audra Karam: 00:25:26

Guess who said that? Bill Gates.

Anna Sergunina: 00:25:29

I was like, Okay. I was thinking Warren Buffett, but that's my

Audra Karam: 00:25:34

He's got good ones too. Right. Right.

Matt Karam: 00:25:36

Right. Are set second secret. Now this quote, it says intentional development when raising your child can be the critical difference between success and difficulty in life. And that's by Dr. James Comer. Okay. Okay. And then our third one, being an experienced guide is the one Audra already said,

Audra Karam: 00:25:57

I kind of shared this. Yeah, smart. People learn from their own mistakes, really smart parents and people learn from the mistakes of others. Right. And that was,

Matt Karam: 00:26:06

oh, did you say?

Anna Sergunina: 00:26:08

I didn't. Warren Buffett. Yeah. Warren Buffett. Oh, yes, that's okay. That's why I was thinking about him. All right. Yes.

Matt Karam: 00:26:17

Because it was in your mind, you

Audra Karam: 00:26:18

knew that. You know, it's it's funny when we've talked on some other podcasts with interviewers. I said, you might need to explain who Warren Buffett is, because everyone does it in that. But in your

Matt Karam: 00:26:29

financial podcasts? No, no, everybody knew, for sure.

Anna Sergunina: 00:26:32

Warren Buffett is and possibly but I would, I would I would assume that people you know, that aren't are just learning about finances or, you know, trying to figure this out. May you may want to look him up, but he's one of the most successful investors out there. Or

Audra Karam: 00:26:46

Hathaway? Yeah, he's the CEO and

Matt Karam: 00:26:48

founder is figuring

Audra Karam: 00:26:49

things and

Matt Karam: 00:26:51

partner Charlie Munger just passed within a month or two ago, you know, but you know that, yeah. So those to me, we want to success leaves clues, right. And so, we want to follow in those footsteps as best we can. And so that's the goal. Here is, number one, let's get the parents thinking, you know, what is my most important legacy? Is it going to be a stock or bond or a house? Or is it your child? Right? If you buy a home, you might replace the roof, right? You might put in a water heater, you might do whatever upkeep is needed to keep it in good condition. So when you want to use it, it's there for you. Right? What are you doing for your child? How are you helping your child develop into a leader? We don't want to raise followers, right? What happens to followers, right? You the biggest pain I have now as an adult, male, so to speak is when my children are in pain. They're out of my home, and I can't help them. And it hurts in a bad way. Right? And so, while these children are still under your roof, one of the things we always call these are teaching moments. It's okay, let those children try. Let them fail, so to speak. Help them teach them how to handle those setbacks while they're still under your roof. Show them that it's okay. There's a study. i We always want parents in our school to showcase children. Ask for understanding, okay, and smile. Okay? If you don't mind, I want to give you a little example on each one if that's okay, that'd be great. I had a eight year old boy. Now understand, when my dad taught me martial arts. He came from the military. He was very stoic. he hollered a lot. As a student I couldn't ask a question. I couldn't raise my hand. I it was no fun. Okay. So I had an eight year old boy that came up to me and said, Mr. Kerem, why don't you like me? And I said, Jacob, why would you say that? I mean, that hurts my heart. I mean, why would you say that? He says, You never smiled at me. And I thought, Oh, wow. I said, You know what, Jacob, you taught me a huge lesson today. I is an instructor I'd never smile, but because of what you just said, I'm going to start to smile. And I did. And the kids loved it. Okay, so sometimes, my parents, my dad just expected me to do the right thing. I didn't get accolades for doing things. Well. I only got in trouble when I didn't do well. Okay. So, smile at your children. Okay. The second that I wanted to share was raw when you ask for understanding of Okay, and you showcase them. So what do I mean by ask for understanding? Okay? If if we had an employee, and we said, We want you to go mow the grass, whatever the task might be, it's irrelevant. Okay? How do you describe that to an employer or an employee? First, you might have to come up with a detailed description of the job. Second, you might create a training video to show them how to do and what to do, right. Number three, they may mirror you doing it, yes, then you'll review their performance. And then they're finally ready to do that task. Correct. I see. So I see so many parents today that say, I want you to clean your room.

Anna Sergunina: 00:30:46

That's not very descriptive.

Matt Karam: 00:30:47

It is not,

Audra Karam: 00:30:49

then we know their definition of clean and ours are totally different. But we have to help get them where we want them to be right. And it's a little bit at a time. And

Matt Karam: 00:30:59

so unless you share with them, what you mean by clean your room, what you want them to do, where you want them to put things, help show them set the bar, so they understand the proper expectation first, okay. Now, how do you handle when they don't meet that expectation is so critical. What we did was called showcase our children. Okay. So I want to give you an example. So I had a young boy, that was he was seven years old. And he was in class. And he was not excited to be there. Okay. You can tell mom made him come. So he was there. But that's about all I got out of him. Okay. And when we would ask him to execute a kick, he would only kick waist high. And he had a sour face. And you know, so what I did was his, I will just say his first name, his first name was Noah. I said, Noah, Come up on the front of class, everybody, I want you to see how good Noah's doing. And I only accented the positive, you know, he's bringing his knee up. He's chambering his leg and he's watching his opponent and his kick is going all the way out. And at the end, we always had a thing where we did Clap, clap, you rock. Okay. So I had the whole class do that. Well, you should have seen no, all of a sudden, his eyes perked up, his face started to smile, you could visibly see him lifting, raising up without praise. Okay. In two weeks, Noah was the highest kicker in the class. Oh, wow. Okay, he lived up to the expectation I gave him. Okay. So there's, there's a couple two ways to handle when someone's not doing what you want. Okay. So if you ask them to clean their room, and they didn't do it, right. Is it because you didn't show them? Is it because you didn't set the proper expectation, right. And if you did all those things, and they still didn't do it, right, they might not be happy about doing it, just like we had with Noah. That's okay, their children, right? I'm not always excited about doing the things I need to do, either. But if you can go in there and say, Wow, Noah, look at how you whatever, write up that toy set that on the shell, you made this look good. That showcasing raises everybody up. And there's a study that shows in two weeks, their level of performance will increase so much by the praise versus punishment. Okay, so it's so important.

Audra Karam: 00:33:43

And yeah, and I think it's important to to add on, it's not hollow praise, it's not good job way to go, you really are specific about identifying what they were successful at. And this can what's so amazing is for your listeners, as well as this can happen in the workplace, when the adults you work with, because it's that I you know, in our brains, we identify with what we hear, and then we process that right. And so with the children because they want to hear and they want to they want to please us traditionally, right? And so when you can say you know, I love how you put the pillow right in the center of the bed, that's exactly where it goes. Okay, judging check mark, right. And so in they love to hear the good things from mom and dad. And so it's just making sure that yes, when we do offer the praise and the support, it's not just good job way to go. And I'll tell you, we've been guilty of doing that as well when you're just in passing, but that mental shift, and you know, saying what, you're really appreciating that they did, does that make sense? It

Anna Sergunina: 00:34:43

makes total sense. No, I love that. I love how you explaining and giving these these examples for sure. Because when you mentioned you know the first two secrets, I was like, Okay, I'm on board, but then you said experience guy and I'm like, oh gosh, now I gotta go look for something. I mean, which is fine. I Like, I just like my brain was like, Where do I go? Right? And so at times, right, and it could be in any part part of our life. And maybe if you wanted to do a little bit better with your finances, or you wanted to lose weight or whatever the you know, we're, we're recording this in January New Year's resolutions. Yeah, great. So like this first step, but when they I'm assuming we're gonna transition to the guide. So talk, yeah, guide and how that's, that can be used, because I think I want to hear more.

Matt Karam: 00:35:28

Sure. So we have, so what we've done is we've created a very simple system that goes 111, okay, and so we can tell you the science behind it a little bit later. But basically, we ask the parents to watch one video a week with their children, they can watch as many times as they want. Each video is so important, because we want to meet the children where they're at. Number one, they like to learn through video, they watch tick tock, they watch all whatever, Facebook, YouTube, all these things. And that's how our children want to learn today. And that's why it's important.

Audra Karam: 00:36:03

We are very cognizant of, there's very few parents who say, I want to put my kid in front of another screen, right? It's about let's remove the screen time. Well, when Matt and I were designing this, it was all about being intentional in the fact that no video was going to be more than seven minutes. Right? Okay. So they're fun, they're animated, the characters are doing it, you know, it's colorful, it's light, but it's clear and concise. There's one message per one video per week. And yeah, so that's where they start. They watch the quick video. That's first, that's the next one.

Matt Karam: 00:36:38

And the second step is they actually practice what they watched. So as an example, the first video may say, say, Please, and thank you for the week. Very simple, right? But until the children practice it, I always equate it with earning a driver's license, okay. If you take a driver's license test, typically, there's coursework in the classroom, and then there's driving in the car. What if you never did the driving in the car part? And they say, Here's your license.

Anna Sergunina: 00:37:08

Yeah, no. That wouldn't work.

Matt Karam: 00:37:11

It wouldn't go very well. The first time you went to drive by yourself, would it? Right? Yes. So that's the same thing here. The next the second one is we asked the children to say please, and thank you, in the presence of mom and dad when they're around for one week,

Audra Karam: 00:37:27

okay, anytime they can, yeah, we're, we're in school districts implement our curriculum and our program. And, and yeah, so the teachers are like, Yeah, well, we were hearing please, and thank you. And so then individuals for families. Yeah, Mom, we want them saying, Please, and thank you all week. So it's very organic. You know, it's happening through the day, and we help with reminders, you know, when they and I know our listeners can't see us. But, you know, if, if, if someone holds a door for your child, or you go to take the plate from your child, you know, at the kitchen table, and then you just kind of pause for a minute and then maybe put your hand to your ear through say, Oh, they're waiting for something mom wants to hear Thank you, or please, right. And so that's what makes it so easy to incorporate in in families lives because it's just what we should be working on as parents when we work with our kids. And

Matt Karam: 00:38:17

our last one, so it's 111. The last one is actually they earn a monthly reward. Okay, which is a wristband. And just like in martial arts, there's different belt colors. The wristbands have different colors as well. Okay. So

Anna Sergunina: 00:38:32

Very cool.

Matt Karam: 00:38:33

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Audra Karam: 00:38:35

Yeah, it's fun. And the kids enjoy it. Go ahead. I'm sorry, I cut you off.

Matt Karam: 00:38:38

Yeah, no, we encourage when you have that, when the child completes four of their missions for the month, they earn in martial arts, nothing is given, everything is earned. Okay. So they earn their wristband. We encourage you, as a family to invite any important stakeholders over in the child's life, grandma and grandpa, maybe a neighbor, somebody that you know, these influential people and recognize that child's good behavior. Hey, did you see Johnny did this help Susie do her homework or

Audra Karam: 00:39:07

We celebrate, you know, it's about celebrating and have that it's a small tangible reward, right? And then the kids can wear on all the time, and that's what they do. They, you know, they wear them and then they start accumulating them. And it's hard work. I mean, they're doing a lot of things that they need to be doing. And we're not expecting perfection. And that's the other thing you know, as they go through the program, they learn it's just many milestones we're seeing we want to see improvement. And just like when you teach someone finances you know, it's not the first time they have to manage a checkbook, start doing investments and you know, pay off all debt and retirement account, you're gonna do it in bite sized chunks. And so that's a piece that we do.

Anna Sergunina: 00:39:45

How long does the program take? Or is this is the this is something that you can be doing forever and ever.

Audra Karam: 00:39:52

The program that we've created is one year long. 12 months? Uh huh. 12 months? Yes, go ahead.

Anna Sergunina: 00:40:01

Finish finish finish your explanation I just wanted to, yes,

Audra Karam: 00:40:04

The reason being is because lasting change, it can't happen if we're not consistent in what we're delivering, right? And, and so it takes a little time, sometimes, you know, a week or two for oh, this is how we're doing this. And then now we've got we're building momentum. So we can't have any change happen if it's not happening on a consistent basis.

Matt Karam: 00:40:25

So for any, if you have any educators out there, okay, our program fall follows what's called Bloom's Taxonomy, okay? The first level of Bloom's Taxonomy says we want to build a children's self confidence. Okay, so the first year of our curriculum does just that. All of there's 12 different learning units, we do one different one every month. And that gives them the solid foundation to advance to higher skills, if that makes sense. So that's the value, I would sometimes talk with marine dads, I'll give you an example. I just use the coin that in my head, and they'd say, I want my child to do this. And I'd say, Okay, it's gonna take 12 months, they'd be like, No, I want you to do it in three weeks and beat it into him. Doesn't work that way. Their children, right? They have to grow, develop, develop new pathways, and it takes them time, right, their children, it won't stick any other way. Yeah. And it won't, they will take it the rest of their life. So that's why you're one is, is that number two, it's talking about good decision making. So that's what we teach them overall in the second year, and under Bloom's the third year is about independent, creative and decision making. So our curriculum covers three years total. But we recommend everybody do a minimum of one year, because those transferable skills in that foundation, set it up for everything. And so that's our goal. Understanding

Anna Sergunina: 00:41:48

That's great. And in terms of time, because you mentioned to watch a video, but in terms of time commitment, on the weekly basis, let's

Matt Karam: 00:41:55

Well, thank you for that question. It's

Audra Karam: 00:41:56

the best part of all of it. Right?

Matt Karam: 00:41:59

You talk to the mom?

Audra Karam: 00:42:02

Mom, let me tell you, that was the thing. So my husband is I call him an over the top just so we went back all this stuff again, and I am a minimalist by nature. And I said, Oh my gosh, I don't have time for this. So for time crunch parents, which I know it, everyone is out there as time crunch, right? It takes it really takes 10 minutes a week. That's it. 10 minutes a week you watch a short video, you have a discussion as you're driving in the car. Hey, what are we working on? What did blackbelt Bruce, tell us? We're working on this week? Oh, saying please. And thank you, oh, holding the door for someone. And so we're off for our day. And then there's a mission, we call it. So do you accept the mission for the week? And you know, Johnny says yes. And so his mission for the week is to say please, and thank you and, and so everybody, you know, is aware of what the goal is. And so yeah, it's 10 minutes a week. And yeah, it's thank you for

Matt Karam: 00:42:55

Thank you for asking. Yeah, we forgot and should have said that a while ago.

Audra Karam: 00:42:58

It's a big decision, right? Because it is.

Matt Karam: 00:43:02

And you can do it from your home. You don't have to pack the kids up. You don't have to buy him dinner on the way to class. You don't have to then bring them home worry about bedtime. You can do this when you decide it works in your family house. So that's so important. I want to give you an example we have a grandma that's in our program, and Her granddaughter's name is Alessia, and Alessia is five years old. And so grandma would go down once a week. Pick up the kid grandkids from school. She takes him to the park. She watches the video with them. She discusses the mission and it's great time right for grandma and grandpa. Yeah, and then

Audra Karam: 00:43:37

there's her driving back to the house. She's you know, as looking in the rearview mirror, say and Amy Alessia you know, what did what are we supposed to be working on this week or whatever? And there you go.

Matt Karam: 00:43:46

Well, Alessia that her kindergarten teacher didn't have the aid show up to class. So Alessia walked up to the teacher and said, Mrs. Such and Such because the aid isn't here. How can I help you? Wow. She said, That's what Blackbell Bruce would tell us to do. Her grandma was so excited when she wrote a note back to her saying, I've never had a child ever come up and ask me how they could help me. Right? Yes, it was incredible.

Audra Karam: 00:44:24

Yeah, that's the leadership we're helping to instill in these kiddos for our future generations. I mean, our, the way we're not going to get doom and gloom, but there's a lot of changes happening in our world and, you know, our, our children that we're working with between these ages of three and nine. They're our future, right and in a lot is getting confusing. And so we teach a lot of traditional values on you know, how to be a stand up, stand out leader. Sure.

Matt Karam: 00:44:55

Thank you. We have A mom that's in California. And her name is Kaylee, her first name, and her little daughter is Lea and LEA is only three years old. Okay. And so, Leah. So we went through some of the curriculum with Mom, Mom look through a few of the things. And then she contacted Audra, and said, I don't think Leah's ready. She's too young to understand these concepts. In my opinion, they're a little too advanced. Right?

Audra Karam: 00:45:25

Mind you, mom is a in the corporate world. She's high achieving the doctor, you know, so we're pretty confident their three year old are smart, minimally, has the intellect to you know, can do whatever she needs her to do. But go ahead. Sorry. So

Matt Karam: 00:45:41

Audrey says to her. It's important. She can do these. Yes, she's three. Just watch him. So mom the first day watch the video with Leah. And mom was convinced she still didn't get it. Right. So mom, second day, watched it again. Third Day Mom watched it again. reached out to Audra and said you know what, I've watched it three days in a row. I don't think she's getting it. Just so you know, right. But we did our part. Four days later, while Kaylee mom is driving their truck. Leah from the backseat says I want to thank grandma and grandpa for my dress that they sent me for Christmas. Mom, she's like I cannot believe that that came out of that baby at three years old. In the middle of driving. She got so excited she pulled over she actually recorded are from the backseat and Sats are mom and dad. Right? Yeah. And so other than us be and shield willingly admit to you, she would have never thought her daughter could comprehend it. She never would have asked that expectation. We because we've trained so many children, we know when they can do things and when they can't. And even though you may not feel they're ready, we challenge you to ask them to try the worst cases they don't do it right.

Audra Karam: 00:46:58

If it's never introduced, yeah. You know, then they have no shot of getting until it's been introduced.

Matt Karam: 00:47:06

But the best case is they learn it young, they develop those brand new neural pathways. And now they take that skill with them for the rest of their life. And to me as a dad, that's what I worry about. I want to make sure all my children are ready for this world because it's a tough place. Right? And if you come with a proper foundation, then you can handle things. If you don't, it's even that much harder. So So that's it. You know, that's, that's what we were hoping to share with you.

Anna Sergunina: 00:47:34

I love it. And I'm very, very grateful that I got to talk to you guys, because I can hear right and listeners can hear through the ears, you know, through the years your passion for this. And so we'll share the links in the show notes about the program. Is there anything else you want to leave leave for listeners here before we close? Yeah,

Matt Karam: 00:47:53

Yeah, we we have one more thing if you don't mind? Yes, one of the most important social skills for all of our children to to develop is making friends. Okay, so we've designed a free guide, that works great for any three to nine year old that is teaching you how to make friends. And so that link is very simple. It just make friends dot club, co c l UB. And you just put your name, I think or maybe an email, and then you get the guide.

Audra Karam: 00:48:24

And it's a download. It's packed full of good stuff. And it's free. It's just it's very steps specific to help your children because a lot of kids are just introverted or shy. And it's not that they're not thou going but we all need friends.

Matt Karam: 00:48:36

We will say there's four times in their life when they need to learn how to make friends and they need those skills. The first time is when they're entering kindergarten, first grade those beginning life. When they go into elementary school, a lot of times that whole circle changes when they go to junior high. And then when they get to high school and or college or a new job, right. So the kids that they were you had playdates with, and all of that infrastructure that mom was able to create goes away when they go into middle school, when they go those different levels. So that's why we want these children to learn these valuable skills now, so that you don't sit back and watch the pain. We had students where were parents would bring them in and say my child has no friends. It's the biggest pain in your heart you'll ever have. And to say it will break your heart you know, and so we we want to avoid that. So please join in. We have teachers that say hey, can we use this free guide with our class? Of course you can right? We want you to share it with as many people as you can. So

Anna Sergunina: 00:49:40

I'm I downloaded it earlier today and we'll be checking it out for sure. But what I think when I took a quick glance at it, I think one of the one of the first things and we I am as an adult learn that later in life, but you've got to ask people for their name and like i feel like i Repeating that to my son I'm like, oh yeah He's like, I do have friends. And I'm like, Who are your friends is like, I don't know their name. So I'm like, Well, why not? Let's ask them. So I was like, wow, okay.

Audra Karam: 00:50:07

You know, it's just one last wonder. I think I had shared earlier that I worked with corporate America, you know, fortune 100 500 companies teaching leadership to adults, CEOs of companies and well known companies. And I was shocked. Because you think a lot of people know a lot they did. A lot of people didn't know how to make a friend. And they didn't know the ins and outs and the nuances of introducing yourself and how that looks and being comfortable with it, I guess more than anything else. And and that's a sudden, we need friends. We need social connections. So why?

Anna Sergunina: 00:50:45

Yes, I can't agree with that more. Well, thank you so much for your time today. It's been very insightful. And I've learned a lot and I'm excited to dive into your program. And I'm sure listeners as well. So thank you so much. And before we close share where everybody can connect with you social media website. I know you mentioned a free gift.

Audra Karam: 00:51:03

Like, yeah, so the free guide there is out and available for everyone. And then they can reach out to us at Bruce at blackbelt. Bruce, that's our email or.com. Yes. Or they can just go to karamlittleleaders.com or blackbeltbruce.com

Audra Karam: 00:51:21

Right. So sorry. Yeah. So many places to find us.

Anna Sergunina: 00:51:26

That's all good. Yeah. We'll include the so the links in the show notes too. So perfect. Thank you.

Matt Karam: 00:51:33

Thank you again for allowing us to come on your show. Or we think what you do is incredible. Yeah, learning those financial habits are everything. And so we change your whole life. I really love what you do. So thank you again for allowing us to come on.

Unknown: 00:51:46

I appreciate you guys. Thank you.