#233 – How to Help Women to Support Their Men to be Physically + Financially Healthy with Bradley Jarryd

Bradley, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to connect with you today.

Thanks so much for having me, this is gonna be fun. And I always love speaking to a predominantly female audience.

I love that. And so we are talking about how women can support their man holistically. And I think like this word somehow, like really sits well with me. But like, what does that mean, right? Because there's lots of ways that a woman can support her man. Now, I know are your expertise or money, your expertise or also health, and I love both too. So we kind of going down that path. Today. Now, I have been intentionally focusing on my own house for quite some time and making changes. And I think I'm lucky because I do have a supporting partner and who's always like looking for ways to get started or try new things. But I know that's not true for everyone. So I just hope that if somebody finds themselves here, do not get discouraged, because we're going to share some good stuff today. So Bradley, how about we kick this off by maybe having you tell us a little bit about yourself? And like, why this work?

that's awesome. Oh, my gosh, so many connections says in your story to what to what I love. And I'm the one part before I forget is. So I started 20 years ago in this industry and find that the coaching piece or behavior is the most difficult one to fix or change, fix maybe a strong word, but change, because everybody wants to do great with their money. But it's like all these habits and ways of lifestyle and, you know, understanding about you know, a particular concept is what gets on the way. So I'm really grateful that this this side of the industry in the coaching part has grown so much recently because people need that, like they are desperately need that. Yes, you can make money. I mean, just a simple thing. Just put some, you know, put some of your cash that's sitting in your checking account into a high yield savings account. But it's like, it's so crazy that people just don't do that. I mean, this is a simple example. Right? There's more layers to this. So I very much appreciate the work that you do in there. Because it's it's like, if I can get people to change, everything will be so great. The plan will work. Yeah,

no, I agree. So one thing that I think would be good to draw for listeners is like, is this parallel? Right? Like, what? In your cars, your you guys are working on both of these areas, the finances and the health? Like? Maybe it's unfortunate and sad that most people that struggle with health probably at the same sort of stroke at the same time struggle with finances? I don't know, maybe it's a generalized statement. But you would think that, maybe not maybe you've gotten one and you don't have the other together? So like, but like, why is that the thing? For most of us?

I mean, you know, so I grew up in the US, but my parents, you know, growing up as a kid, my parents, were always laughing at American culture, coming from different countries, just like the way debt is viewed. It's just like, people have credit card balances. Like, you don't do that. Because in other countries, it's frowned upon. In some countries. It's just like, Oh, my God, it's like you're lesser than if you have credit card debt. And then if you're 300 pounds, you're looked at in a different way. But there's things that are just normalized here that are not normal in other countries. So the same thing as living in California, you mentioned the word holistic, that's a very California word. You know, we can say kombucha, and holistic and crew, I don't know about groovy, but I was like thinking of like different words. But, you know, there's certain things that in West Hollywood, it's very normal to invest a lot of money in your health and look good. And then you have the Botox, you have all the all the vanity stuff as well. But then there's other parts of the country where it gets a lot colder. And most people just go to the sports bar and watch the games and drink beer and eat chicken wings. And, you know, you just acclimate to that environment. So I think environment is the big one. Regardless if it's health, or if it's finances, do you have friends that are spending a lot every weekend, they're going into the club, they're just racking up that bar tab, they're buying new outfits, they're buying and leasing the new car, and they're not really keeping track of where their money's going, if that's normal, then you're going to acclimate, or you're going to weed yourself out. And then the same thing as if you get in around an environment of people that are very responsible, very ambitious, very disciplined, if you hang out with surfers, you're going to eat fish tacos and go surfing, you're going to lose weight, you know, you're going to stop eating pizza, or stop eating other food and probably gonna eat a lot of fish tacos, and you're going to spend hours at the beach, and you're going to be tan. So it's just one of those things where I think the environment is just so big. And even though a lot of people don't have the in person environments, because, you know, maybe you're in a suburb of Buffalo, New York, and you don't know what it's like to be around a very healthy crowd. But fortunately, with social media, with the internet, we are able to tap into a virtual environment that can serve as that.

So if someone like, and I hear you like it, just it, I also have an immigrant background, although I came here when I was a teenager. So I still have some, you know, parallels to make in my own head, about you know, how people live here versus even though I feel like I'm been really Americanized, and how people live here and then have their live in Eastern Europe. But if like, how do you if you try if you're someone, right, and you like wanting to help, like, what are some of the signs that someone is struggling by whether it's obviously like, you know, if they're overweight, right, you could probably tell by just the way they look. But finances is one part that people keep a secret, right? Like that's, it is so hard to talk about money. It is shameful. It is like all these things you've done. So like how do you tell that someone is having a hard time?

Honestly, you're right, it is tough to tell. It's kind of like mental health, where you know, the person that might look the happiest and the most put together could be struggling the most. And also, I don't have a great answer. If someone is struggling I think it just takes being being looking at at the person and really asking questions and just being there for them and letting them admit any hardships. I think one thing especially as men, we we might not communicate as deeply sometimes especially if if we have pride. So it's up to us to really lead with vulnerability first to allow the other person to reveal if there's any hardships whether it's the finances or anything else. But if if it's just one of those friend groups where you're just talking about sports, talking about women talking about whatever and it never goes deeper than that might not be a place where someone who is struggling would feel safe or comfortable to open up. So, I mean, when I tried to, you know, I have a great friend group, I have a great business partner where we talk about all the demons in our heads and all the lousy thoughts and all the things that we're thinking that aren't necessarily nice and fluffy and or productive. But it allows for one another to get closer to each other. So, you know, in terms of signs, I don't know if there's a sign, but the actionable item, I would say, is just to lead with a bit of vulnerability, and then allow it to just grow over time so that if there is something bubbling under the surface, then he or she would be able to just open up a lot easier.

Yeah, and maybe it also depends on like your personality, Are you a person that could ask a direct question? Or are you would feel like, it's not my place, right? Like, even if it's your friend, right, that that you may have noticed something about? Because again, I feel like it's such a such a touchy feely subject on both ends. So how, if you're in a relationship, though, how would you bring up this concept, because I know that for some, for some couples, Finance, Financial discussions, whether you are just getting together, you just got married are about to get married, and you've been together for a long time. It's tough. I see this in the meetings, I see this throughout the plan, somebody made just take more lead and say, Okay, I make all the steps I make all the decisions, she or he just come along, right. But at the same time, that other person is like part of the whole equation. So how do you? How do you get that conversation going? How do you get them a little bit more vested and involved in the process? Like from the coaching angle?

Yeah. So this is an interesting dynamic, because a lot of couples, there's a saver, there's a spender. There's different beliefs from childhood, there's all this stuff. But I think when you look at the statistics, and you see that financial distress, or just financial issues is the number two reason for divorces, at least what I found in research, you, okay? If we want to keep this marriage, if we want to keep going, we have to at least look at this statistics and say, Hey, let's get on the same page, we just can't have fights, we can. If we want to go down in debt together, we do it together. And we'll be happily married until, you know, the repo man comes and takes everything. But if we're not on the same page, then there's a very high likelihood that this marriage will at least go through a lot of turmoil, but perhaps even end. And so the first thing I'd say is just understand that no matter what, hey, this is a team effort to prolong this marriage and make it as healthy as possible. So that's the first thing. And then, you know, money dates, I'm sure you're familiar with money, dates, you recommend them, it's just one of those things where it cannot be hidden, it's got to be consistent, it's got to be every month, every couple of weeks, something and it's something enjoyable to you know, make it not like this dreadful thing. But instead, hey, we have a bottle of wine, we put on some music, we sit down, we make talking about money, something enjoyable, something we look forward to. So those are, those are the few things that come to my mind off the bat, in terms of talking to a man to, for a wife to talk to a husband, I think, obviously, we're wired a bit differently. I know the masculine responds to challenge and the feminine responds better to praise. And so you know, if you're able to challenge your husband, it's a touchy thing. But if you're able to hit on that and challenge him to be his best self, I think you might find some good results there. But what's even better is if he has a good friend group, because if he has a good friend group, and they're challenging him, he's going to be very open. A lot of times, it's just can't come from the wife or it's very tough, even if everything she's saying is, is 100% true, he needs to hear the exact same thing from a friend. So I would really want to audit his friend group for sure and kind of lead them to a better circle so that everything you're saying that might be for his own good, whether it's on finances, or everything you've learned from Jay Shetty or emotional intelligence or all this stuff, you get around having get around guys that know this and, and invest in their financial literacy in their emotional intelligence, all that kind of stuff. It's gonna be a lot easier for him to open up because it's not coming from you.

That's true. I even know. And I found I found this practically in my profession and personally as well. Sometimes it's like, I wish I wish you would have listened to me and I'm speaking about my husband when I told you but you've heard it from somebody else and you believe them. As long as it got to you right? Like I'm happy with that. But I wanted to add something. I love money dates. That's like one thing I've been preaching for so many years. Mine are more like more frequent bottle One is awesome, right? As long as you get the financial pieces out in order, I usually talk about having them more consistently like on the weekly basis, just quick check ins and stuff. But anyway, whether it's weekly or at least once a month, it really gets you aligned with what you're really focusing on your money. The other comment I wanted to make is, I think it's important for for people to realize what their strengths are when it comes to money. And I would love your feedback on this, like when it comes to health, because for example, like one person, I mean, maybe you can do all of the, you know, tasks that are required in terms of managing your day, day to day expenses, investing and taxes and planning, and like all that it's overwhelming, right? Maybe your partner has other interests or different skill set that could be utilized so that you guys share these responsibilities. And my husband, I kind of over time have found this dynamic of, you know, who does what, and we're totally on board, like with, you know, his responsibilities being, even though I'm a financial planner, but he really loves the investing, and he wants to kind of like, tweak and change and like you can do that, we get to keep the baseline everything else. Sure. I am more, you know, like the operational and you know, and maybe this is sort of men versus women kind of strength, I don't know. But I'm just, I'm just highlighting it for for all the listeners here. Just think about that, right, you don't have to like, man, everything right, or like my hands have to be in in all of the pods, let the other person be in charge of some part of it. And that's where, like that accountability that you're talking about comes in, right? Like, if you're responsible for part of it, you know, take it to the to take it home and make sure that you're really proud of it. So I found that useful, because one person can get really overwhelmed and feel like they're not, you know, they're just not the other person is not involved, and I'm doing all the work. And then all of that starts to go in the wrong direction. So yeah, I'd love your comments on if you have any on like the health side how, like, if you're working on, you know, your health at the same time, like how sort of conquering some of these things could help a person.

Yeah, also great points right there. And another thing too is, and money dates a lot more interesting when both parties are involved in different aspects versus one is just reporting to the other. Here's my summary, I did all this work. And now I have to spend an hour telling you about all this just for you to then badger me on certain things, but instead, okay, you handle this. And we last week, we talked about doing this. Okay, so now we actually have some updates. I think on the health side, again, it comes down to is your partner supportive of your health goals, because let's just say a father wants to lose 30 pounds, but his wife loves cooking and loves baking, like not just cooking, but I love baking cakes, I love baking all this stuff. environment is very critical. You know, if you work at an ice cream shop, you're probably going to eat ice cream. And ice cream is not very healthy. So you're probably going to put on weight. If you quit your job at the ice cream shop and start working at a salad bar. You might lose weight because you're just surrounded by greens and vegetables. And yeah, you could throw on too many croutons and salad dressing, but there's a higher likelihood you'll be in shape if you're surrounded by healthy foods. So I think the one thing is are on the health side is who, who, who's good at cooking, but also who likes it. Usually one person likes cooking, hopefully one out of the two. And that person should be doing the cooking. And then in terms of hey, what are the goals with the food, it's got to be enjoyable, we want to eat together, we want food to be a reason for us to come together and enjoy this part of the day. However, we got to also cater to the individual's goals as well. So if the husband's like, hey, look, I love these meals, but I'm trying to lose 25 pounds. I can't I can't harbor any resentment for you. Because now you're sneaking in some oils and butters because it doesn't taste as good as before or you want to cook this wonderful dish you saw on TV. However, that's doesn't fit into my my macro nutrient count. And so it's definitely a team effort there. And also just understanding that resentment is the worst thing you cannot have any resentment on the finances or on the health so it's better just to communicate and be honest, than let this little seed blossom into this ugly cancer. I mean, and other thing too is it could be more exercise with one person where they say hey, would you like to come with me to the gym? Or can we take this class together? Instead of going to watch a movie this weekend? I thought we can go to the park and walk around or ride bikes or do something more active but again, this this is a great opportunity to bring two people closer together versus further apart. And then if you have kids again, you have kids your finances you want to prioritize your finances not just for you, but for your kids, and to teach them the lessons, and then also your health, what are you teaching your kids, if you are not taking care of your health, you can say eat your vegetables, all whatever you want. But if they see you scarfing your face with chicken wings, and ranch dressing and chugging beer, and all this, it's they're like, Okay, well I could do is I could talk about eating vegetables, but then I could just go to the fridge and just get the mac and cheese and the brownies and all that stuff. So I look at both of it as just a wonderful way to get closer together with communication and honesty, and addressing hate this is for the sake of the family. And I have to be honest, so that there's nothing building up underneath.

Yeah. When you guys work with with with your clients, what are they usually asking you like when they show up at your door? Whether they say, are they struggling like we're did they specifically say I want to fix my health lose weight? Because it's not the same, right? And maybe you can comment on that. But what is it that they're like, highlighting for you that they need help with.

Yeah, no, I love that. And so do you see them getting their women involved? If they have them in their life? Or had it like, I mean, it's, it's, it's like, if you live with someone, you know, in the same under the one roof, it's like, well, what are you doing? I'd be curious and like, Okay, I mean, I'll share one secret, or it's not a secret anymore. My husband's like, I want to run a marathon. And I was like you, you're not a runner, I'm running a marathon. So I was like, I just signed up on the spot because he proposed that idea. So I'm just I'm just curious if your clients sort of get their, you know, significant others pulled into by like, nature of it.

Yeah, I'd say at first, not because the wife was curious, like, Alright, are you gonna stick to this thing? Are you really serious? Okay, it's been a couple of days. It's been a week, whatever. And when they start losing weight, all of a sudden, it's like, okay, this is this is pretty cool. What's that new dish? What's that book you're reading? We have a book of the month as well. So it's like, some of them will be reading. Jay Shetty is eight rules of love. And the women will actually be like, Oh my God, I want my husband to read that. And so that's where we kind of like look, we'll give you the health we'll give you the financial stuff, stuff that that knowledge, but we also want to sneak in some relational intelligence, emotional intelligence, self awareness, communication skills. And so sometimes the wife will be picking up the book this month. It's money Master the Game by Tony Robbins. And so yeah, sometimes the wives will pick up the book. But on the flip side, we've had cases where a guy has said, hey, my girlfriend is starting to feel insecure because I'm losing all this weight, and she's afraid that I'm going to leave her so to be honest, there's the flip side of, hey, how do we address this? How do we console your girlfriend that you're doing this for her? And for yourself, and that she has nothing to worry about. But also what insecurities? Does that mean that she has? Does that mean she needs to be working on herself more? So we talked about that kind of stuff. So we always encourage personal development to bring the other person up and to further them on their journey. But then sometimes if you're on your journey of growth, and the partner doesn't want to grow, that's going to be something you have to ask yourself if you want. Yes,

no, I agree with that. And so you mentioned it's it's 90 At least 90 days to kind of get the whole process going. But what happens after that? Do they continue on with you, I mean, this, I mean, 90 days is not a long time. It's a good enough time. But it's not very long. To kind of like change things around.

no, I think it's it's it's ever ongoing process. You don't just fix it in that one season, like I said, so. Are there any particular diets that you I'm just curious, I'm sure listeners are other particular diets, you guys follow? Or this is really like taking somebody from, you know, stream and poor habits to here's a healthy way to live. And it could be any diet. Yeah,

it's less about diet, because you know, it's funny in the financial space, what where do people hate more than anything else?

Budgeting?

What is the budget of your health? Right? So it's like, I like to phrase it as there's a winning formula, you have a goal for your health, you have a goal for your finances, let's create a winning game plan or our winning formula. And knowing that, yeah, we could put you on a diet for short term results. But then long term, you're just gonna go back to it because it's not sustainable. We'd rather focus on for one high quality ingredients, because it to have high quality honey that has calories and has sugar that's way better than a lot of the stuff that's in these processed foods. So yes, the food quality is just so low in general, that we want to focus on, what's the high quality foods. Second, what works for a lot of men, in our group, and I've been on it for years is intermittent fasting, that's just works for me, I have a big appetite. I feel a lot sharper in the morning, when I only have coffee and water and I don't have a meal doesn't work for anyone for everyone. But it's something that we suggest as a experiment, because a lot of people are very freaked out about not having breakfast, but they haven't gotten acclimated to having larger lunches, larger dinners, and then going the next day. And so it's something where we say it, you know, I understand you're scared, but it's something to experiment with. Because if you're like me, the idea of having breakfast now scares me like that's, that's freaky. To me. I'm like, No, but then I would have to have more caffeine because then it's going through all the food and then I'm going to feel sluggish. So it's not for everyone, but it's something we encourage and then we just definitely go on the higher protein side because a lot of these guys want to lose weight. So we keep the protein high. Make sure the any meats is grass fed grass, finished, organic, wild caught all that stuff. And then we help them afford this because they're not spending that much money on food as is unless they're going on Postmates or eating out at restaurants a lot. But we want to make sure that everything we're doing is hey, here's a way to get organic at the grocery store that for the same price is not Oregon. Annick, but you're going to get frozen. Or what you're going to do is you're going to get the generic brand, or you're going to go to Costco and load up here, or you're going to wait for the sale here. But the quality is first higher protein. And then besides that, you know, you can try out all these different things, but it's a healthy lifestyle is what we're going for. Yeah.

I mean, maybe it's a California or two but more wholesome foods, I would say that I wanted to follow up on that is like that. So like the diet is the the scary word on the health side, or something people don't love and then the budgeting so how, now that in there's probably some resistance with this too, now that you you know, suggesting to them, here's all these things to do and you know, changing your diet, and how does that impact their like the budgeting piece, because I get a lot of resistance with the budgeting is like, Ah, I don't want to face it. It's like the thing nobody wants to face. So like, how do you guys? Do you address one first, and then the other? Or we just like, go for both and get them done?

Yeah, actually, most of the men come for the health side. And the financial goals are secondary, and we like it that way. But we have courses, we have quick guides. In fact, there's a guy a free guide on the our landing page on empowerment Dotco, where you can download it, and it has 21 Plus ways for busy professionals to lose weight and save money at the same time. And all this is just going to try to trigger ideas like what oh my god, I spent all this money here. Oh, man, this is a great little way to save on lunch, this is a great way to save, you know, on my gym membership or whatever. So we're all about like, what are the quick practical ways to save money. And then we have courses that are more about the mindset, long term for them to absorb at their own pace. But we know that the power is really in the live calls every week, because that's where the men really open up, that's when they talk to one another. And that's where the accountability lies. So we try not to overwhelm them on both sides. But what we find is that when you get good at tracking your calories get good at okay, I have to understand what is in this apple is as fat is a protein as a carbs, what is in here, what is in this steak, what is in this almond milk, when they track that, that skill? That habit is very transferable to the finances. Okay, well, if I can track my lunch and my dinner for a week and my breakfast, if I have it, then I could track my credit card statement and my back bank statement. And I can actually see what's there because it's the same thing. Alright, you get a good idea of what you actually are doing right now. And you get a clearer idea of money's coming out here. money's coming in their calories are being burned here. Calories are coming in there. All right now, what's the next thing? Well, there's a lot of waste. Financially, I throw away 30% of my food. And I buy a lot of that on Postmates. That's like, Oh, my God, no, definitely not me. But I'm saying as an extreme example, if you're overpaying on Postmates, and then you're throwing a lot of it out, okay, you might have $600 A month going down the drain, that one little tweak, all of a sudden can be what you invest every single month, and then build your fortune off. So I think it's the habit and the mindset, first of okay, I'm going to look myself in the mirror, I'm going to actually take action, I got someone to hold me accountable. I have the knowledge, and I can't let anyone down. I can't let my spouse down. I can't let them down. Let me do it. And then once you got it, it's like, hey, let's just duplicate it on the financial side.

I love that. I know, I I always kind of sort of toy with this idea in my head. Which one is harder to do, right? Because it's all about habits. But yeah, it's it's just It depends.

And one more thing to in terms of which one's harder. I think a lot of people are afraid of both the financial rabbit hole as well as the health rabbit hole, because they assume you have to go all the way to the depths of it. But most people just don't do the basics. If you just get the 20% of the knowledge that will give you 80% of the results, you're going to be fine. You never have to study biohackers and understand what an MN or amino amino acids or I'm just thinking of terms, you don't have to do all that stuff. Because most people you're going to be healthy just drinking lots of filtered water, having vegetables, sunlights high protein, high quality foods, exercising four to five times a week, that's gonna be way better than the majority of Americans. So if you want to stop there, that's great.

Yes, you're 80% better than everybody else. I love that. How I know everybody's listening in. Maybe you have someone in mind maybe it's your significant other maybe it's your dad, maybe it's your brother, whoever it is, maybe you know, a good guy that would really benefit from from going through this process. How can our listeners connect with you? Best

is just empowermen.co That's where you'll see a list of the testimonials of the guys that have been going through the program and what they have to say, as well as a free resource there for you to download. And if we're not a good fit, you'll at least get that guide where you can lose weight and save money on your own. And, you know, that's a movement that we're very passionate about. So either way we want to see you, you know, really become a better a better father, a better husband and and better contributor to your family and society, because that's just going to benefit everyone. Yes,

thank you so much, Bradley. I'm 100% behind this mission for sure. On both sides, the health and the financial. So thank you so much for stopping by today.

I appreciate you. Thanks so much.